Prayer of a Bruised Reed

Let me never be so comfy-That Your lap isn’t a refuge
Let be never be so settled -That I won’t run off with You
Let me never be so confident-That I charge on without You
Let me never be so scared-That I dare not follow You
Let me never be so down -That I can’t see Your hopeful smile
Let me never feel so much affection-That my need for You is numbed
Let me never be so broken-That I don’t let You heal me
Let me never be so whole -That I won’t let you satisfy
Let me never be so wilted-That I can’t absorb your drink
Let me never be so flaming-That I look not to Your light
Let me never be so dead -That I forget Your gift of life
Let me never live so much-That I forget the gift in death
Let me never be so sensible-That I forget Your dream
Let me never be so steady-That I don’t feel Your pulse
Let me never be so intense -That I forget your faithfulness
Let me never be so happy-That I don’t need Your joy
Let me never be so calm-That You aren’t my Prince of Peace
Let me never be so much at home-That I don’t miss Your courts
Let me never be so able-That I don’t depend on You
Let me never feel so guilty-That I don’t run to You in shame
Let me never be so down trodden-That I forget You died for me
Let me never be so satisfied-That I don’t yearn for You
Let me never be so loved- That I forget Your love’s the sweetest
Never give me what I ask for-If it will take me from You, Lord

Will you actually read this?

When a week follows the typical schedule I hardly know what to do, and the last few weeks have been as close to "typical" as I can ever hope for. That doesn't mean though, that nothing special has happened. I've been thinking alot about time, and feeling this odness of how we're kind of trapped in time, though we tend (I tend) to spend a lot of time thinking about the past, or the future, though I don't know what's going to happen, weird eh?

some events of the week:

-talking with my mom and sis, and realising I've not been great at keeping up our communication, but have been distancing myself from them, and thus inflicting pain...humbling to see.

-Bowser, Diva and Brody's mom has MS, and isn't expected to live long-please pray

-Encouraging to talk with Claudia at church in Bowser, know that she's praying for the crew and me

-josh and I decided to change "homework" to "diving in", as it descibes it better; we're enjoying studying stuff. Today is "we miss summer; winter's getting old day" complete with tent int he class room and flip flops (with socks)

-we had a bunch of girls over on sat night, and enjoyed makingup funny stories

-I enjoyed the nice weather at different points this week and biking again :)

all for now....

I wonder...

if emotions were so complicated at the beginning of creation. I mean did Adam and Eve have such strong, such complicated emotions as we did? Or have emotions escalated after sin entered the picture? We were learning about emotions this week in Spiritual Formations class and it's been on my mind a lot lately. And honestly I've been pretty emotional for the last long time. :P It was interesting doing the reading in Dallas Willard's book, Renovation of the Heart, and seeing what he had to say.

You could say that God has really been teaching me about being open with others lately, teaching me to get out of my little shell and talk. As hard as it might be for some of you to believe, I don't talk a lot during class or about what I'm feeling to others. It's just one of those terrible quirks that I need to work out. So I have been trying to be more open with others lately and tell them how I am feeling, tell them what's on my mind. Sometimes make myself believe that it would be easier if I didn't, but there is not nothing better then honesty and openness in relationships and I have discovered that more and more lately. Thanks to all of you who have been patient with me and have been willing to live and learn with me (you know who you are;) ).

Karen and I had fun this Friday taking pictures with her camera down at the beach and then discovering the 16 picture setting. It takes 16 pictures, one right after the other, so we had a ton of fun doing that! You'll have to check out her last blog to see a set of those. Spending time at home on Friday was a blessing and delightful (mmmm homemade pizza)!

All in all this has been a good week, a week of living and learning, a week of forgiveness, a week of pain, but a beautiful week indeed. God is good! Let us praise His Holy Name! Listen to Brian Doerksens song Holy God for a wonderful, simple description (if you can call anything about God a description) of our Father.

Saturday... fun... pastweek... allright

Okay soooooo todayyyyyy wassssss ummmm….. AMAZING! Today I got up early and went for a jog. Oh and for any of you that don’t know I gave up jogging with my walkman for Lent. So as I jogged this morning I was without any form of music, but I didn’t mind, more time to talk to God. After my lovely jog I came home and worked on clearing out my closet, aaaaa. What a mess; it’s amazing how many papers I have collected over the past seven months. After attacking my closet Karissa’s mom came and picked us up and we went to Karissa’s house. Once we arrived at her house we went to the beach to take pictures for the fully alive logo. Karissa and I had a fun time finding out what exactly my camera could do. We found out that it takes some sweet fun shots and has funky colors and shading.

Tonight I am going to play some indoor SOCCER; yes I get to play soccer, unbelievable! I am sooooo excited! I bought myself a nifty pair of blue adidas soccer socks and Barry lent me his shin pads oh and it only coasts 3 dollars! Did I ever mention that soccer is the best sport there was ever invented?

Anyway besides all the fun I am having, there have also been some struggles. For some reason this week I had lost my drive to work on my homework, but I am back to normal. Do you ever get those days, I do and it’s not so great. I have also been overly exhausted. This week in Spiritual Formation we were talking about feelings and the affects they can have on us. I really do think that I let my feeling overwhelm me this past week. I have been thinking a lot about going home for the summer. It has become a heavy burden and in a way it still is, but as I was working on our assignment for feelings, I came upon a saying in "Renovation of the Heart" by Dallas Willard that said, “We cannot live without them (feelings) and we can hardly live with them.” This made me think and I was reminded of the verse in Matthew 11: 28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” If we let or emotions take over we can be drained of our energy and forget all the wonderful things that God has done for us.

Muddy Points Research

So I'm taking a Theology class with TREAD and we have to do this "Muddy Points Research" thing. So far, I'm lost! We need to find a theological issue that we've already covered in the course and then take a whole bunch of notes on it and research it and learn about in and such. Well, I guess I'm not completely lost, but I just feel like I don't know what to do.
On another completely random note have any of you seen the original Wallace and Gromit? They are so good. The other weekend (it was a while ago now) we had a group of girls over and we watched two of them. So great! If you haven't seen them, you should definitely find them (and if you live anywhere near here you can always borrow them from me).

Okay, now that I've been strange (what's new?) and talked about random-ness (what's new?) I really should go and get my Muddy Points Research done so that I can say it's over with (and so I can say that I've done something productive today)!

I'm in love...

I hestitate to talk about this past week, because I think sacred things squashed on paper (or in this case on a computer screne) can loose most of their beauty.

The beginning of this week I was sick, tired and worn out. I felt like curling up under a blanket, and I did. Tues Kriss gave be lunch in bed, and I napped and tried to keep seeing a bit straight (mostly figuratively). I was comforted by my mom, and talking over with her how I was feeling.

I imporved a bit Wed, and enjoyed going to DQ with K and Ka for Valentines Day. I also got a rose from my dad, which was really special.

A turning point in my week was when I phoned Jen on wed night. My feelings of "not wanting to do tommorow" were short lived while talking with her, as we both encouraged each other with God's constancy, and

Turning our desperations into pursueing Him, our cravings and loneliness into craving for Him.

Thursday I ejoyed a great visit with Sonya, whereupon we both agreed that we're really enjoying our friendship. Man, what a blessing!

Then, fri was Bowser, which I already posted about, and then Sat homeowk with Karen in the library, and other satruday ish things. It was exciting to be so enjoying studying!

My sister Julia came over sat night:) and then my "sister" Jen surprised me by dropping in. Paper can't capture that momment.

Sunday I went to Denmand Island, and enjoyed sitting in the sun on the beach, talking with the Lord. Paper can't capture that either. I'm know I can't make it through this week without bending (or breaking) unless I abide in God. If I seem scattered, it's cause I'm in love...I'm blown away by God's love for me. Sometimes another year of life seems daunting (I miss heaven often) but God sustained me through last week, and I know He will be faithful this week too. Thank heavens I have people like Sonya and Jen to remind me of His sufficiency!

Busy....

This week has been quite busy. I enjoy busy weeks, most of the time. I got to go for a few jogs and spend time with friends. I scored a bonus of being able to go for a walk on the beach twice this week. It was amazing. The first time I went to the beach I went with Karissa and her mom, Karen. We took our shoes off and let our feet feel the cool sand. I also dared to stick my feet in the cool ocean water, brrr it was cold, but so fun. On our second adventure to the beach Karissa, Carmel, and I managed to bring a healthy lunch of pizza, sparkling apple juice, and bites and bites. Even though there was a slight breeze, the view and fresh air was AMAZING!

Today in College and Careers we talked about the importance of the Lord’s prayer. As a group we took the verses and broke them down into smaller sections and divided them among even smaller groups. Our group received the line “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.” It is amazing at how much can be drawn out of this eight word sentence. First of all the prayer starts off with our father not my father, proving that all of us work together as a body not that one works alone. “Father in heaven” God is not just God of the earth, but of more unfathomable to imagine. “Hallowed be your name,” there is no specific name given to God but name. Maybe God can’t be given a specific name because he posses many names. The prayer also starts by praising and acknowledging God, I could go on and on, but that might take a while. I just find it so cool that a small sentence can have so much meaning. How many times have I read through something without actually taking the time to analyze it peace by peace and seeing all the hidden messages, too many.
Through the past few weeks God has been teaching me about surrendering things to Him. It is amazing how much freedom comes from surrender.
To say the least I am very tired and exhausted. A whole new week starts tomorrow so I think it is off to bed for now. Night!

Feeling mighty fine...

This week was crazy, good, sad, weird, upsetting, funky, and hilarious all at the same time.
At the beginning of the week I was stressed to the nines (not really sure where the nines is, but I was stressed to it). I had a presentation due the next day on St. Francis of Assisi (really cool guy) and was worried that I would be a complete failure in my presentation. As it turned out the whole thing went really well the next day and I was pleased that it turned out so well. Now to see how my Professor felt about it. ;)
Karen, Lindsay and I all had a wonderful V-day. After Underground we went to Dairy Queen for a "date" and enjoyed ice cream and taking pictures together! It was good for us to get out as the three of us and just have some good, old fun together. :)
I ended up being able to go home three times this week for visits. On Friday I got to go and have pizza (a Friday night Epp tradition) and watch a movie (while building a puzzle) with my brother. We had a great time together.
On Saturday I was able to go home (no one else was there) and play my piano for a few hours. It is amazing how much I actually miss that thing. I do have a key board here, but it's just not the same.
Throughout this whole week Lindsay, Karen and I have been taking advantage of the warm hot tub and enjoying a lot of great chats out there. My mom also bought us a book called Authentic Beauty, by Leslie Ludy, that we read one night while we were in there. So far the book has been great!
God has been so great to me lately. He has continued to show His love to me though other, through His Word, and through prayer. My conversation with my Father has been more constant lately and I can see the good affect that it has had upon me.

Boswer Update

Bowser last night was excellent. After last week I was discouraged,wondering if the kids would ever see Jeus’ love in us, and whether Friday nights was helping them in life at all, since they come from really rough backgrounds. Last night was really encouraging. I’ve beenn praying for them a lot more since last week. I’d been praying for a house in Bowser that could be open for the kids to drop by, a safe place where they’d be welcome and could talk about the difficult stuff they’re going through, and just have fun and be loved. As I was praying thurs. night, the thought came to mind “Hey Linds, are you willing to be the answer to your prayers?” God’s done that in my life before, where I’ve been praying for someone, thinking I would have nothing to do with the answer and boom, He uses me. But living in Bowser would not exactly be paradise in many ways. However, with the other things God’s been teaching me, I’ve been learning that it’s best to live by principles, things I know to be true rather than on impulse, since my impulses are rather fickle. I’ve tasted what it’s like to do what God wants me to, to obey Him, and thought it be hard, man, it’s where true living is. So all that to say, I don’t know whether one day I’ll live in Bowser, but I came to the point of being willing to be a part of the answer to my prayer for these kids.
Anyways, back to last night…as we were driving from Tim and Donna’s to the church, me with Donna, and two girls, Diva ( girl in the middle in the pic) and Whinnie, for the first time the conversation between me and the two girls was really fun and natural. We were laughing and talking, and then Diva started to make a funny voice, kinda naisely. I answered her question in the same weird voice. D “you’re easy to imitate” L “no, you’re easy to imitate”, D (still in weird voice: “you’re easy to imitate” L “your Mom’s easy to imitate”. For those of you who don’t know, that’s a mom joke, which have been popular with junior high kids. Diva, in amazement said “wow, you’re cool! You talk just like us!”. That, and other comments and gestures throughout the evening formed a milestone point, as the kids realised “oh, I thought you were like old…….you can relate to us”. They smiled as I joined them in goofy dances, and distracted talking, and comparing what we could do on a skateboard. Daniel (guy in pic) was super un to be with--he'll make a great leader one day :) and we might get to skate board together. Finally they’ve accepted me, and I’m not a distant, disciplinarian adult. Thanks God!!

Blog-O-Rama

Here we go, I’m blogging! This has definitely been one of the most interesting weeks in a while. There have been some really high highs, and some really low lows. It’s funny how things work, eh?
Like the other girls have said we went to the Regional from Monday to Thursday. It was a great time away. I must admit to having a lot on my mind during the entire time, in fact I still do. That would be why this whole blog might be slightly incoherent.
Upon our return it was nice to have a weekend to rest up before getting back into the swing of things here. There is so much going on, that those three days of somewhat rest were wonderful. I have a big project coming up (I’m supposed to present it to the class tomorrow, ugg) that I’ve been working on and will be so thankful when it is finally finished. I hate public speaking when I don’t have something written out to say, so tonight I have to come up with a speech that will blow everyone’s socks off. Actually, I just need to find about five minuets worth of information to discuss and then I should be good. :D

One really cool, amazing, thing that has been happening lately is prayer. Karen, Lindsay and I have been praying together a lot more often and I have been talking with God more regularly throughout my day. It has been wonderful to be so much more connected to God and to have His reassuring grace.

Life like a dance, okay maybe you don’t all dance like I do :$

So anyway as I was saying my life so far has been like the way I dance. I dance with much confusion, frustration, and usually out of step, but when I ask for help then the technique becomes a little clearer. I have realized that this past week has been confusing, frustrating, and I have not been keeping in step. When I go to God for help, He has made the “technique” clearer. I also get a work out and I feel good after dancing, in the same way help from God can seem like a work out, but I come away feeling good.

This week we went to a YFC retreat. It was a lot of fun, and I enjoyed the worship, speakers, and line dancing. As the end of the retreat came along I made a dumb decision on my part and I was already struggling with other things that were on my mind. Facing the decisions and the consequences that followed took a hard blow on me. I broke down, but thank God that He is always there. After having a talk with God I realized that many things I did I brought on myself and that changes needed to happen. As I came to realize what I was doing it became clear to me what I need and still need to do. I am not saying my life is all warm and fuzzy now, because it’s not, but that God knows what I am going through, always, and want’s to help me.

These are some pictures I took while at the retreat!

a poem

Temple

Nicely clad with fine linens
Air laced with potent spices
We gossip here in the market
Beneath the sign that says
“Holy unto the Lord”

My cloak gets stained
With what consumed my thoughts today
But mud is normal in a pig pen

We bargain and shuffle for our own pleasure
And comfort and gain and supposed humility
We split our allegiance and sing nice songs
And call ourselves temples of the Holy Spirit

If Jesus walked in, he wouldn’t give me a hug
He’d squash the tables, rage the vendors
And clash the coins on the tiles
“Rage of jealous kind”

Lord, kill the market place in me
Make me a prayer for the nations

Regional

So on monday we crossed on the ferry as a YFC staff/Tread crew. I enjoyed the differend discussions we had (good conversation skills Rich!) about the morality of self-defence, and parenting, and my dad's buisness. It was good to have time to catch up with K and K, an we enjoyed having Sonya in our room. I also enjoyed our adventure to the Othello Tunnels, and skating (my first time playing hockey!)
At the YFC Regional staff retreat, I was blessed by the speaker who talked about the importance of spending time with God. I was reminded of the privelege, beauty and invluable-nes of spending time alone with God.
God's been challenging me with the concepts of discipleship and allegience, as I consider what's mst important to me, which is seen in how I spend my time, thoughts and prayers. God keeps bringing up this idea of "carrying my corss daily".

Bowser on Friday was difficult. The kids there are hurting so much, and I don't think they even understand what their lives could look like with more hope, purpose and love. Will they ever see the love of God in us? We claim to follow God while people all around the world, and right beside us are hurting a ton. If Jesus walked into our church services, or into my room, I think He'd be upset alot of the time.

I'm learning that follow Him isn't a "nice" tidy thing. I only have enough drive, enthusiasm, zeal, devotion, and craziness to follow Christ if my FIRST allegience is to Him.

Luke 14:33

"So likewise, whoever of you does not forsake all that he has cannot be My disciple."

Here's some pics from Regional

Hawaiian Fish

So the funny thing is that when I was snorkelling, I thought to myself "these are like the fish you see in pictures, or movies and go 'these don't actually exist'".Just believe me when I say that the pictures don't do them justice..and I couldn't find pics of the fish I thought looked like a baboon--sorry. Maybe I'll keep trying ;)
Swimming around (in the warm water) it was so neet to see God's creativity in the colours-florescnent blue, mauve, yellow, spotted fish, stripped fish..... He's not boring!
The last fish is a "humuhumunukunukuapua"--yes, seriously that's the name of the Hawaii state fish. "Sweet, yeah?" as they would say (when in doubt say "yeah")

here's a pic I just gor from my dad ove me and my sis surfing :)

Hello there everybody. This week has been a very interesting week. There are many things going through my head right now that I can’t really write on paper because it would come out all messed up and mumble jumbled. So I’ll make this very short.

The other day when I was going to go for a walk with Wendy on the beach I looked out the window to see a cloudy cold day. I prayed a simple prayer asking that God take away the clouds and bring out the sun so that we would be able to walk in the sun and enjoy it. As it happens latter on in the day I was troubled by something and I went into a room to pray to God. I was crying and felt like God wasn't listening and I argued and talked with Him. As I was crying and talking to God about how it seemed like He wasn't answering my prayers, I opened the drapes to the window and I looked outside. There was not a single cloud in the sky and the sun was out and it was AMAZING. I was drawn back. I laughed, and the tears of hurt turned to tears of joy. Wendy and I went for a walk on the beach with the sun in the sky and no clouds at all. I love God's sense of humor. He proved me wrong as I was neglecting a promise He had made with man, a promise that He hears our prayers and is always listening. As I write this I am still full of joy.

I have recently been battling with what I am going to do for the summer. With many options and many pressures I am finding it hard to figure out what I am going to be doing. I have been praying lots, but prayer would be amazing. Pray that I have clear wisdom as to what I should do, and that I would only do what God wants me to do.

Life----

Hey everyone!! man, it's been ages since I've wirtten..I don't want to get artharitis so I won't write everything that's happened the last while ;)
I echo Karissa's post--I'm thankful we were honest with each other. Honesty is hard, but good friendships can withstand it, as I'm learning, and they can even be strenghthened through it.
I felt like quitting over Christmas. I was tired of being in such a small group (frusterations with Karissa playing in to that). I contemplated running away. God did a good job though of teaching me. Through good conversations with friends, and praying, I realised that this is where God wants me; the best place to be. Were I to run away from here, I would be avoiding alot of the stuff that it's best to face, and that will come up througout my life.
Encouragement in brief:
Jen: God is good, and loveing and cares about you.
Mike: Thrive where you are, in this momment.
Richard: God is good-be thankful. It's exciting to work with kids.
So I'm still in Tread, and thankful that I am. I've got a renewed determination- enjoying the classes, and making more time to hang out with younger girls, which I love.
God has been so good in sustaining and teaching me. Hard, but good is the best way to put it.

I' went to Hawaii with my step mom, sister, dad and step-sister for a week. Nice to have a warm summer week and time on the beach. Surfing in the warm water was amazing!

Other news is that things have changed here in the Tread crew again---Jade left to finish this semester out at Prairie. He is missed.

Our courses this semesters are neat so far, Church History, and Intro to Theology, and it's been great to see different girls again. Man-I have some neat girls in my small group at YU! We've moved to more of a discussion format, less with the lesson (Hannah and Katie's brilliant initiative) which is great!

Well, that's it for this random catch up for now....c ya.

Being honest...

Hello all,
As most of you know, Karen, Lindsay and I all share a room, share a classroom, share a car, share air, share everything. :D Anyways over the last few months Lindsay and I have been having a hard time with each other. Neither of us would admit to the fact that we were mad at each other, and neither of us would come clean about how mad we really were. So not last night, but the night before, we were just sitting together talking and somehow (someone) we got the whole topic of being mad at each other. By the end of the night we both realized how much we had been feeling alike and how sorry we really were for it all. So yesterday at YU we thought that it would be really good (because the topic of the evening was Honesty) for us to make a skit (not really a skit, but a dialog) of how things had been working for us for the last few months. We 'performed' the skit for the whole group, giving them a very honest glimpse into our lives and what we had really been feeling about each other. Our conversation in the skit was double sided, showing what we were saying to each other and then how we were actually feeling about what was being said. At the end we explained to everyone how this had really happened and the truth that God had opened our eyes to His love for us and how our friendship was suffering because we had refused to love each other as friends. Admitting that we had both struggled deeply with this was hard to do in front of everyone, but we both knew that it would be good to show that things like this happen all the time, even with people who live together, eat together, go to school together, etc.
It's good to know that God is full of love and grace and has provided us the grace to forgive one another and to come clean with each other. Even though I thought I would be happier if I just stayed quiet and didn't say anything to Linds about it all, after I had told her, our friendship has improved so much already. I can't believe how much God has blessed us. I thought I was going to have to endure her for the next three months, but things are going to be so much better now.
Thank you God for showing us the importance of being honest with one another and giving us the grace to come clean. :D
Kriss